of crying and laughing

now i realised that the more i wanted to cry, it's the more i'll fake my laugh and be happy. Emotional intelligence syndrome i guess.

Of approaching or standing still

if let say, you're fond on to someone, are you just approaching him by making yourself visible, or you're just standing still while hoping he notices you? Hmmm....

Of saying and truth

• First: “Never give up, because it ain’t over ’till its over.”
• Second:“During the years ahead,when you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
• Third: “Don’t always follow the crowd, because nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded.”
• Fourth: “You’ve got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going cause you might not get there.”
• Fifth: In conducting your experiments, “remember that you can observe a lot by watching.”
• Sixth: Replicating your findings is important. “It’s deja vu all over again.”
• Seventh and last: “Remember that whatever you do in life, 90 percent of it is half mental.” 

 Yogi Berra (1998) 

New York Yankees baseball legend and semantic wizard

p/s i am on the verge of the first half of the sayings and now trying to change the direction with no waze ekekekekekeke *cries* T___T

Of literature review

"Leedy and Ormrod (2005) noted that one common rule of thumb is that the search is near comple-tion when one discovers that new articles only introduce familiar arguments, methodologies, findings, authors, and studies. Thus, when reading a new literature piece, if one “will get the feeling that ‘I’ve seen this (or something similar to it)before’” (Leedy & Ormrod, 2005, p. 82), it may suggest that the literature search is near completion. The end of the search can also be indicated when no new citations are discovered and articles cited in newly discovered literature have already been reviewed. In sum, as Webster and Watson (2002) observed: “You can gauge that your review is nearing completion when you are not finding new concepts in your article set” (p. 16)"

Levy, Y & Ellies, T. J. (2006). A Systems Approach to Conduct an Effective Literature Review in Support of Information Systems Research. Informing Science Journal. Vol 9

p/s: sighhhhh T_T

...........................................................

"Kim Samsoon: there are 3 things that don't need words of expression, food, music and (i forgot!)."

Of calling and communicating

I finally called Nek Ma today. Well she's the granny and the mother of my mom. It gets me to called her before this, when i arrived earlier but i didn't have the gut to call nor thinking have anything to say to her. Not that we have any issue or anything, it's just that I'm not the one who's able to talk more because i'll be the one who's freaking care if there's nothing to talk about on the phone hahahaha *saikoiknow* More reason to this, that is why i love texting more. However, i do desperate for a call either. Okey, now I'm confused! hahaha 

Well talking to Nek Ma made me feel at ease? I don't know why. It's just a sudden decision this morning of wanting to call and talk to her. She sounded happy and immediately recognised me on the other side. She said as if I'm so near to her as always. I asked how's everything going on, and she has the story to tell. Grunting that Azeem hasn't come to visit for the Ramadan yet and wonder if she's going to see him only in Syawal...hehehe. It feels so overwhelmed to get to know this tiny details that she's sharing. She's once told mom that she's frustrated because nobody did ask her whether she wanted to follow us to KL upon my departure in April. Little that i realised that i really forgot to ask her since every thing was in a rush. I would probably just put her on a plane from Terengganu and straight to KLIA if it's better but i forgot. But mom said it's just her being sensitive as she watched the news on a student accommodation was on fire  somewhere in Moscow and having a thought on me, plus she's not good with a long journey trip as she will easily exhausted. huhuhuhu 

I don't have any other granny left except her. Nor that we're too close, but still i really want to at least give the best to made her proud. Ive never think of it this way before. Maybe having her around made you take things for granted of not appreciating the presence of the old woman in the family. She might be lonely as well. Hoping for the grandchildren to come and say hi. What i realise, the women from mom's family rarely expressing their thoughts. I think i've seen only once mom did cry in front of  us. That is probably due to, i can't remember what. Sort of like we've been raised to keep what we feel inside. How i wish I'm able to share the emotion with them either, but being the awkward me i just can't. Not that i can share that i have a crush on somebody, or i want to get married, or maybe i feel frustrated about something. It's just never happen. I guess mom sometimes just don't bother to ask because whenever she did, i just get upset with the questions. What is wrong with me? huhuhuh 

So all those thoughts lingered me. It's true, this phase of life, it makes you think. You think of everything, you value everything you have and you value the distance that you've been through. It's not easy but people adapting. I think this 'permanent head damage' journey is about shaping your thinking and perception. It will train you to see things differently and it's up to you how you're going to transform the thinking into something useful. It's not easy because the road is bumpy and messy.

Anyhow, im glad that i made the call. I feel at ease. i really do. 

p/s random call like this made me think, should i call you?

Of procrastination and procrastinating

So I met Dr G today unprepared. Well, i did but it was just not enough. I knew it already from the start because i only re-do the writing that she previously commented last night at 2am and I'm still awake up until now 3.06pm. Truthfully, that was when i realised what should i do and how I'm going to do it. Really, pressure really works on me and I'm not proud of it. What i did is just rearranging the paragraphs like a lazy kid who just copy and paste the work with the hope she's can be forgotten for whatever she's done. It was exactly a month after the last meeting. Our last meeting was on early June and i submitted the draft on 20th May. Talking about procrastination hah? I felt ashamed just now for not being able to at le have an argument or at least present whatever i've read to her. It shows that I'm not doing my job, and I'm not doing anything either for the whole month. What have i've done. I also realised that i've keep repeating the same words or maybe sentence in this post. 

Well, whatever it is, i know it's my mistake to start with and i have a week to make sure everything is in place as she's going to have a month holiday in August...heheehe! Then a holiday for me too? LOL! Wake up Nur Azyan! Life is not like what you think. I have to make sure I'm still focussed and on track. It's so long since all these has been done. The momentum, the drive, the force to complete the things, it seems it has been swipe away and never return. But i don't feel that bad, because i know i have to catch up my pace back in doing things. I know i can do it, it's just that I'm being lazy! MashaAllah! 

I noticed that my communication skills has't improved as well. I'm still swallowing my own words. or am i the one who talks without thinking thus make it hard to express verbally whatever i have inside? Hmm.! 'That's right instead of it is'.

i've got sunshine, on a cloudy day...

p/s I'm fine, thank you...thank you and you? *tetibe melo* @_@

Of weekdays and weekend

i've been developing an anxiety of weekdays. Every time Monday comes, i feel insecure and guilty. I always hope for day to end faster and night to come quickly so i don't have to feel uneasy with the day. I guess this is what happen when you have something unsettle in your mind. I am and i have it now. It's pilling up until you don't know where to go, where to start or even who to seek for the help. You can reach out for people, but at this stage I'm looking for more than people. Work hasn't progress at all, this will be the 4th week during the last time i met the supervisors. Our 'fruitful' discussions that day seems faded away slowly day by day. I vividly remember whatever discussion that we had and i haven't progress so far until now. Progression means like at least you need to have a written page at least 1, but me none.

Not even that i even procrastinate even more by doing different things. I have couple of books to be finished as well. I don't know the purpose of finishing it. Should i speed reading? Should i read each and every page of the book? I really hate myself whenever I'm not able to make any decision, be it in everything. If I'm in dilemma meaning to say my heart is not it in. When it's not in it, it shows that I'm not thinking about it seriously which lead to later stress. Stress sounds serious, how about later thinking? hahahahaha If only things can be settled and done asap. I also realised not only in work, but i feel the same with people today. Only today. i swear yesterday i was still sane and got to laugh out loud still with others.

Guess i haven't had the skill to nail it yet. Ya Rabbi, please help me in anyway you can as you can see me struggling to keep myself from being drowning. T__Y

Of Ramadan and fasting

It's the 1st day of ramadan, which means the first day of fasting for the muslim in this holy month. Previously, ramadan is just a ramadan where my perception is it's a month that you have to fast for 30 days, with sahur, breaking the fast (iftar), the food, the terawikh and such. Such a shallow conception when i was a kid and maybe 2 years back of my age now. Looking and experiencing ramadan in foreign country today made me think differently of how it should be. Usually i would just asked mom of what the menu for today's breaking fast, i wondered should i go to solat terawikh tonight, or having a lots of other thoughts. As for today, I'm just being me with less expectation of what to cook or eat for iftar and i even agreed to my housemate's suggestion to go on the top of a church and have a view on Liverpool skies and city from a top above at 8pm. (Well since we're in summer, Fajr prayer starts around 2.45am and maghrib starts at 9.45pm. It's more than 18-hour of fasting, but bring it on! hehe)

Crazy isn't it? Well that is how environment actually shape your behaviour and doing despite what you've been practicing after all the years. As for me i think i come to a realisation that ramadan is more that just fasting, well shame on me to have it realised on my 27-years of life on earth, but it least it struck me on what else that i wanna gain through this holy month of ramadan? Being alone here also made you think and evaluate yourself of all the things that you have done. You are able to make changes without getting worried about other people perception or dogma. I've gone through a-second-day series of Ustaz Nouman Ali Khan's (he's indeed popular now! ekekeke)  youtube video on the Juz 2 of the Quran, ' Do you worship ramadan or Allah?' The verse explains how Allah asks us to fast whenever we are once the holy month is here unless you're not capable of doing it under certain circumstances. The question is, why Allah gives us 30 days to fast, why not 60 days or maybe 15 days? This is the question that maybe others may have different perception. The answer from Ustaz Norman is in the video that i've attached. One of the ways to make sure people click the play button and listen hehehe.  

As for me, it's more than a month itself. It's a month where Allah shapes us to be a good person in everything that we do within these 30 days. Have you ever encountered a saying that describes habits die hard and it's only take a certain amount of time to form and shape a new habit in your life. Let say after one month of behaving good, then later you're still back to the previous habits, doesn't it shows how pretentious we are during the month? So are we actually obliged to Allah or only for Ramadan? MashaAllah, if i'm not going to take this opportunity to become a better person then when will it be. This is the time where at least i can form new habits out of everything that you have been so far. It really made me think and think. Anyhow, this is just a first day of ramadan, and it's still a long journey to say I've made an improvement over myself, my work, my schedule or even towards the people around me. I really hope it does, even it's only a tiny bit. I really wish for it. huhuhuh Ahlan wasahlan ya Ramadan!

Of sitting and doing

Ive been sitting for an hour on the chair in front of the lappy at my table doing nothing. Like really doing nothing. Cant sleep last night, blame the latte that I drank yesterday hence affect the sleeping  excuses. So i slept around 4am and woke up around 930am. Done the rabbit yoga stretching, fold the laundry and vacuum the room, just to get into the mood of doing something but it's not working i guess. I even changed my table position just to get the feel and still not helping. So what's next?

Had a few conversation with different friends while I awoke. How desperate people wants to change everything in their life, like having a shift just to get a new perspective of how enjoyful life can be. To tell the truth it's not easy as i noticed all of my circle friends are having the same withdrawal of these feeling. About to jump or not to jump, about to take the first step or just stay and observe. Well eventually for me above all you need to have the courage to do it. But i guess people really need a definite reason to do it. Just because you wanna jump or move, it's not the main motivational drive that will make them actually doing the action, because there's always something that hold you back. Pull you slowly and end up either you're drowning or surviving. Cruel isn't it? Hmm..it's really something to ponder. 

Oh there's also a conversation with friend of should we try to jump or just stay still when taking photo i know she means something else with the jumping. For me it's better jump, because at least the experience will teach you later of either jumping around is good or not. If not you'll be forever wonder of the excitement and the feeling of jumping. But somehow you have to remember, sometimes it's not the jump is the problem, you did jump perfectly in the pictures but the camera and the people who took the photos might have missed to best jump out of you. So the environment does play it role. People are shape by the environment, it's either you can bland in or you be the different one. hahaha 

Same goes to my situation now, are you going to just sit on the chair doing nothing or at least you wanna start something small and get going from that? C'mon Nur Azyan! You're more wayyyy better than this! LOL! ekekekekekek

So i did jump and i improve! ekekeke i think! ekekeke

p/s it's so hot outside and i can feel my ketiak basah! adoiiii hahahaha

so just jump and enjoy the moment! ekekekek

Of jumping and trendsetting

the trendsetter in jumping and shooting hahaha! i'm amazed with myself either hahahaha
*angkat bakul sendiri*

p/s erkkk....why i have multiple posts in a day? So not me! OMG!

Albert Dock, Liverpool
The soul has left me in split second @_@

Run or Dye, Liverpool 2015
bum3

Of Lake District and Adventure

It was a random planned trip to the Lake District. It started with an evening picnic, somebody suggested it and everybody agreed. A place where people said a-must-visit place around here. As I'm being noob and less interested in exploring around, i just follow the plan.

Turned out it's indeed breath-taking. Photos don't do justice is the eyes are the real camera of how wonderful it is. I'll try to be more passionate in exploring things around me then hahaha but then europe will be like all nature and nature like this? ekekeke...

p/s: what would i do when all these people return to Malaysia soon? T_T

The focus is the cloud..the cloud..the cloud

The ladies @ the infamous Sarah's Nelson Gingerbread shop

Part of the lake, i guess? hahaha

The hometown to a famous poet, William Wordsworth

The lost wanderer

Of friends and friendship

You can have a lots of friends but it doesn't mean you will have the exact friendship that you look for from each one of them. Well shits do happened and when you're caring too much it's misunderstood of being too serious and such haha funny isnt it how the people perceive your gesture differently just because of so called a friendship.

I vividly remember during primary school years, being desperate i was in getting a best friend, one of my classmate offered me another friend to be my best friend, it was like ' Hey, do you wanna be her best friend?' It's kinda odd right? I still have a laugh whenever i remember that. High school friends are still intact. 20 of us. Each one of them have had their own families and left with 4 single pathetic  ladies hahaha! University friends are still there as well, although we rarely communicate, still we're gossiping on the same par of everything ekekeke and the kepop friends, it turns to be sisters that i've never had before. At least for now. 

Truth to be told the circle of friends that i have now comes from all sort of life directions which i do not regret at all for having them. In fact, all of them are connected and know each other well in some way. I don't know how it happened but it just happens. To say that we never argue or fight, then it might be a lie because we really did! hahaha... the price? You'll become more tolerate and understand each other situation. 

Blessed isn't it? But it doesn't mean you can just sit back and enjoy whatever it is because people change, rapidly and drastically depends on the situation. It sucks every time these changes happen as you can't just keep up and all you have to do is to let loose and let it go. =) Pretty sad!

p/s: I just wanna be your friend, why so serious then? @_@

of rain and rainbow

there's always a rainbow after a rain, a sun after the storm

and there will truly have a good day after the bad,

chin up and face the day as who you are.. =)

p/s truth = pain = life = :)

of the past, present and future

The title of the post is my previous blog's name haha i guess it's how i want people to know me from the past, present and future. I browsed through the Facebook notes yesterday and stumble upon a note way on 2009 during university life where you got to tag your friends of something and they have to do it. I guess it's pretty much popular and serious to be done at least to my thinking that time. Reading back all those answers made me think how wonderful it is to be able to write and record something for your upcoming future. Well, at least you have some sort of reference on how your condition state were during that time. How foolish you were before or how loud you were in saying something. I really wish i have the patients of sharing and writing. Ignore the audience but you're writing for yourself. 

Sharing to yourself of what really happen and be true to every second of it. Like everything! Can i? I doubt it as well. haha remember how i wish to at least write post a day, but it's not happening. Sharing of everything activities would be way past of the interest of mine. Probably i should start on how everyday life reflecting who you are and what do you learn for it. It's hard, believe me. it's hard. but then again if you're not able to be thru to your own self then what else do you have? Confuse isn't it? Human being are complicated or at least they think so much of it. haha. If i were to post all those questions of 100 truth about me, it would pretty much the same with maybe a minor changes. We'll see how it goes.

*the one in [....] is the 2015 answers haha*

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: plain water [milk]
2. Last phone call: khairul azmir (my bro) [Farah Husin]
3. Last text message: fatin elina [Still Fatin Elina haha]
4. Last song you listened to: papa roach-scar [ Stacie Orrico - Stuck]
5. Last time you cried: can't remember...T_T [ few days back?]

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: nope [nope]
7. Been cheated on: yup [i guessed] [haha yup!]
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: nope [none!]
9. Lost someone special: yup [yes]
10. Been depressed: currently... [sort off]
11. Been drunk and threw up: neverrr!! [haha how i wish..but nope!]

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. white [white]
13. black [black]
14. blue [blue]

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: a lots! [plenty!]
16. Fallen in of love: of coz... [ahaha surprisingly yes!]
17. Laughed until you cried: hahaha certainly! [everytime!]
18. Met someone who changed you: a definite yes!! [haha it is!]
19. Found out who your true friends were: yup [always]
20. Found out someone was talking about you: yup [ i guess!]
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: nope! [haha nope]
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: 80% [hmm still 75%]
23. How many kids do you want?: not in the plan yet hahaha [4? haha]
24. Do you have any pets: no! [As with me nope]
25. Do you want to change your name: never [ no, I'm proud of it now]
26. What did you do for your last birthday: on my bed with a fever! T_T [hmmm....in front of my laptop]
27. What time did you wake up today: 9am [5.30am]
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: downloading You're beautiful [sleeping]
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Persona in Malaysia!!! hahaha [lifehouse in london?]
30. Last time you saw your Mother: 5 sec ago...hehe [ almost 2 months ago? T_T]
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my study [ still my study]
32. What are you listening to right now : loud noise from the ceiling..hahaha [ Gabrille - Rise]
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: not yet [ yes!]
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: preparing for final exam this sem!!! too hard! [preparing my phd proposal!]
35. Most visited webpage: facebook & blogspot [haha Facebook and gmail]
36. Whats your real name:Nur Azyan Shalihah [same]
37. Nicknames: sha, yan, yent, sha filan [same]
38. Relationship Status: single [it's complicated! OMG! haha]
39. Zodiac sign:libra [same]
40. Male or female?: female [female]
41. Primary School?: sk gombak 1, sktd 
42. Secondary School?: sigs :D
43. High school/college?: unisel
44. Hair colour: black
45. Long or short: in the middle haha
46. Height: 165cm kot?
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: hahah! YES!!! seriuosly! [still in crush forever! When will i have a gut to say it out loud]
48: What do you like about yourself?: i'm bulat [chubby!] [my confidence level LOL!]
49. Piercings: never! [never]
50. Tattoos: also never [never!]
51. Righty or lefty: Righty [right]

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery:not yet [nope]
53. First piercing: never! [haha never!]
54. First best friend: open to offer..haha [fatin elina...i guess]
55. First sport you joined: basketball n tennis [same]
56. First vacation: can't remember [seoul]
58. First pair of trainers: cant remember either [do i have one?]

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: nope [grapes]
60. Drinking: nope [milk]
61. I'm about to: doing the test n eva report..haha [taking a bath and reading? boring i know]
62. Listening to: still...loud noise from the ceiling [ Gabrielle - Dream comes true, random playlist on youtube]
63. Waiting on: my cd to arrive hahaha [somebody to ask me to get married lol!]

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: definitely [definitely!]
65. Get Married?: of cuz..but depends...hehehe [YES!]
66. Career?: educationist maybe [now undecided!]

i stopped at 66! because i felt bored! hahahahahah!!! Lost concentration! hahaha...

are you ready?

My close friend's mom had passed away this morning. It was a devastating news although she's been sick for a while a ready. I know her well as i frequently visited the house before for sleep over and she would be really excited with whatever stories we have told her. I often bought her some 'keropok keping' (fish cracker) from Terengganu as that what she's always requested for, well i don't mind. The thing about ready is that Kak Jan and i did talk about how ready she was for her to really go. Like totally gone from your life. The replied that i got was, "You shouldn't ask that question". Letting go when you really needed them the most, letting go when you realise you're lonely from human touch or care and letting go the one most dear to you. I always curious how people would deal to this situation as i haven't with myself either. I had once dreamt about my dad passed away, well i think recently when i am here. It feel so frustrated and hurt like you don't have anywhere to go. I felt suffocated and confused and keep asking myself who should i turn to after this. Then, i realised it was a dream and i feel back to normal. But somehow later that day, it still hits me. Having said that now I'm a-thousand-km away from home, i realise i will happen to me in no time. Location wise, I might not able to be there when it happens and what should i do? huh

The truth is only the person involved would know how it feels. Maybe the after effect would make it worst. If the support system, the family bonding is strong then it helps a lot. But what i worried is the ugly truth after the lost. People might hang in to you because of the significant person, but when he/she's gone, others will slowly gone and letting go the support system as well. That is when the reality sucks a big time. Things happened, people come and go and you're still there but i would say should we go back to the Creator this time. i think this is the boundary that we have as a muslim. A Creator who knows whether you're strong and ready to accept the reality. To be able to achieve that is one of the test. He won't test you if you're not ready, but whatever He does for sure he knows better. Hanging onto the Mercy and Grace of Allah. It may seems like it's easier said than done but it has to be done.

إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُوْنَ

'From Allah we come, and to Allah we return'

production and progress

Woke up early yesterday around 4.45am, done nothing and went to the office early as well and done nothing. Talking about production huh? I clearly realised now how time of course you should have value it, but now I feel like i just let it passes me slowly without even trying to figure out why I'm letting it go (oh...i can't understand the sentence either.) And today i woke up around 10.30am and still doing nothing but typing this. to say that i need discipline, i think i am. i am more towards rule follower instead of breaker. but recently i've just doing whatever i want without any rules to follow. this has made it so absurd even to myself. probably this is a challenge as well, for the Above to make me think more than it should. Probably He wants me to be more sharp and strict with myself instead. I still lost without direction literally. Not that i can go to my supervisor and talk about it. Well i can, but I'm now sure  how she will response to it. Probably warm and welcoming? Probably not bother? 

The route to school has always been the same. Same place, same time. I need to make my life more functioning. Everyday when i wake up,  always ask myself, should i go to the office today? Is there's anything i should do in there btw? Oh i should read. And then i said, what should i read, oh that article. Have i done it? Nope! i believe if you're functioning enough then you will be more excited about day by day and meet new friends? That is why i always love to go to classes because i makes you feel alive surrounded by people. or maybe it's just me who can't be alone and should have friends around. hahaha... to tell the truth, I'm okey with both. So far, I'm okey alone. the idea of moving in with other girls sound tempting but i guess it's better to be alone and meet them accessional. i think. i always think but i rare act to what i think. Just the other day, Yum, a colleague from Vietnam said how come i cane still smile in my first month where she's actually not that happen when she's here. I said, well on the outside, but on the inside it's hire wire. 

Come to think of you, maybe i should have perceived life differently now. Open up the mind and let loose/go certain things that is bothering me. I can do once why i can't do twice. it's the same circle to start with. So you don't have to like be bounded to whatever you have gone through before. Not that I'm excited to go travel or anything haha. I have no clue on where to go either. But i think maybe this is the role play of friends in your life. They can initiate things and i just can be a part in it. haha! be good to people sha. at least people are remembering you that way. Whatever it is, altho it's 12.17pm, i think i might have just walk to school and see what can i do about it. hahaha! Being random is always be me. 

p/s it's time to really act back on the coldness, I'm done and that is why i really hate to be involved with this kind of thing if you just want to mess around. It makes me sick and emotionally tired which i don't need it anyway. 

of reading and reading

Finally got to finish Dr. A first paper today. What I've discovered is that how he's replicated a research study based on an article paper and made it in a malaysian context which is awesome! Meaning to say, less complicated in designing things and such, it's just that you have to understand how any why you're doing it then it will be okey. I totally understand what he's trying to say. In fact he did discover new things from the research from a malaysian perspective which is more than awesome. That's why we call a contribution to knowledge. Hmm... so which research should i replicate and compare to? hehehe! *copycatarises* I attended Dr J presentation on the impact of national students survey on academic staff which is a good paper and research as well. Malaysia universities do have this kind of entrance and exit survey, but do they take action of what that has been said by the students from the survey? That is what we did discuss in the cafe which lead to the second problem that i've realised.

Today i just realise that my communication skill are getting weaker. People are nt able to understand me as I'm not able to deliver well of what I'm saying! DAMN! Miscommunication is a major no no no! How to polish this skill tho? I still have the anxiety of talking to people like they would not understand me much. And i also discover that my faculty is still the same as other education faculty as far as i know. Mess-up and hardly ever stable in terms of staff and staff. We did wonder on why it looks so not welcoming over new student or maybe the faculty members. The bond between them are saperated by idk what and why. Everybody seems to like having their own agenda/life without even are about other faculty members which is not good. It's kinda different from different faculty and school tho as what I've heard from my friends. Being a busy body me, i'm always curious. If only I'm able to channel my curiosity towards my research? Hmmm..

p/s: how to lose a guy in a day? Any tips? heh ^----^

4 walls and 3 episodes

That's what i did today.

2 episodes of yuchun and 1 episode of sing ji hyo new drama.

And it's all happened within my 4 walls of bedroom. Boring isn't it? Who said that life overseas should always be flowers and rainbows. It's raining as well by the way and still am. Oh went to the bank to settle my bank card, and it's still a hassle. In malaysia we would get our account sorted out immediately and you can start using everything almost immediately as well. now i have to re-request my pin back, and have to wait till thursday and now it's monday. And as i tried to do the online banking, it said i need to have sort of like a special device so you wont get cheated online. Why the bank officer didn't tell me about this earlier! So much time consuming and hassle. What is this developed country huhuhu you spoiled my perception on my 4th week here. yeah, it's 4th week but I'm feeling forever. Maybe because life hasn't been that organised anyway. =(

I'm able to-almost-finish Dr. A first paper, just to understand the concept of Lay's theory. Well it is indeed a new input to me. More to come. And today Dr. G sent me a link of a paper that might relates to phonics, which i think not a good paper after all. hmm. 

i need a place where i can be myself. Well literally. not physically. if I'm not able to write out whatever that I'm thinking and feel then you're done! You're not you any more. hohoh. and I'm aiming of for maroon 5 and lifehouse show. i wish i can nail this one, at least a list in the bucket has been strike out. But honestly, i don't even have the list to start with. How about we just sit whatever accomplishment that I've done instead of planning for one? LOL! Life is full of surprise. 

p/s how come people can change their mind over a toilet break? I guess the toilet is really a thinking chair after all. hmmm... 

what research is all about?

Now I've come to like the blogpost better as it has an icon of writing post. so you don't have to be like  go to the dashboard and start looking for buttons to click on. So 1-0 for blogspot over wordpress hahaha!

Now what is research is all about? I think this is quite an interesting question and i have to write this down just to like reaping back of what I've read. Ive read this first chapter of Crotty (2003), The foundation of research book where it is quite interesting (after so much struggles with being focus and such). Here he/she explains on how a researcher should understand the design of the research before eventually submitting the research proposal. What can conclude is that there are 4 elements of 'terms' or knowledge that you should be able to differentiate which are:
 i) methods
Method is more related to what ways that we're going to use in order to gather the data for our research. Is it going to be interview? observation? etc.
ii) methodology
this one deals with the research design itself. Are we conducting a case study? Is it an action research or is it a ethnography research that we are about to carry out.
iii) theoretical perspective
This is the most tricky part as people always stuck in this term, well at least for me and my brother. Hm.. we always do come out with the problem fist without being able to identify the correct theory to be associated with the research.
iv) epistemology.
This is the most fundamental and basic thing that you should have mastered of. The term sounds bit posh but it is actually the 'knowledge' that you have in conducting the research. Without the knowledge, you would not be able to even have the theoretical, method or even methodology embedded in your research.

So how we're going to relate all these? @_@

2nd SV Meeting

Today is the second supervisor meeting with Dr. G. From previous meeting, we did discuss general how am i going to approach my research and shaping it into a solid and workable research later. Both of my supervisors are really helpful and warm regarding what we have discussed and they did contribute their own ideas on how should i approach things accordingly. Since this is the second meeting, i am a bit nervous in getting into things done. But knowing yours truly, it's something that's been worried mind instead of getting to work things out (okey...how many of the words things in a sincetence? zzzz)

I did it last minute. I mean get into more journals, tying a bit and highlighted a bit on what i should put up to. I went up to her as expected and luckily enough she's very welcoming as usual. We did discuss a a lot today on what should i really consider in doing the research. It's such a breeze when somebody actually get what you're trying to say by trying to extract things out for all the messed and scattered up ideas you have. I do see it clearly how this will go altho it's still in the initial stage. I guess this is what a role of supervisor really is. Getting out the idea in you and try to put glue it out on paper. I should have done more work then it should. I still think that my writing are around the bushes. Not exactly straight to the point of what you really wanna say. Aiigooo! Dies la like this. Writing sucks, academic writing pun sucks...then what's left? T___T

distraction

Howeeedeeeee!

Well I'm not sure if it's correct or wrong. Im trying to write again on different purposes. i wonder how it would turn to but hopefully it's going ti be alright. Things have been changing rapidly in my life as i wouldn't expected for it to happen. it so just happen and here I'm on a new medium type this out. I should get use to the habit of writing as i would probably would have more words to read and write for the next 4 and upcoming years. 

Nuff said of that, i attended a course few days back on the creative planning and time management to writing your thesis and it's so wonderful. I'm glad that I've gone it through in the early stage of my study as it would really reflect me of who i am. As for now i do have thing to settle but i've been distracted. In fact, creating this blog is also a procrastination that i've been delay each day since my first day, which I'm used to it now. my writing here is just a piece of mind and blunt and no proof read. i really hope at least i can blurt out everything that i have in mind without any format then it should. Recently I've been to attach to formatting which i believe it's sort of like the OCD in me...sighh~~ c'mon OCD don't grow up in me! I don't need ya! hahaha.. 

So by letting go my thoughts you can see that i talk different thing in different paragraphs  or even lines. so mess up la this mind. thus, that is why the name of the blog is arranging the hassle thought as it's always been hassle with a lot of things which  have to learn how to sort it out like NOW! What i realise with myself is that i need deadline and pressure. When you're in pressure, you will work extra hard for it and of course it would make you feel overwhelmed but the joy of completing the task is awesome~. At least i think i am! hahaha.. So as the first step of everything, this will be my medium to sort things out and i really hope it works. Well at least it is now. hahaha... let's move forward and i really hope it happened the same way as i hope too!  

Getting to a new thing is not a thing that you should have done. Ive always feel that being yourself is kinda scary as you have to deal with whatever you have you face off. Truthfully people would understand themselves and they're kinda being neglected themselves as the believe it would give you have then good. well at least it is what i think. what I'm doing now is type on two medium go blog just to see which one is the most suitable for the feeling. well you know being a little tricky over everything. I hate this. being attached to thing where you need to use, deal with only certain things in your life. I want varieties. they way I'm behaving is really different of the way I'm thing. even my hands are moving not according to whatever my brain thinks. maybe the brain is fast enough for the hands to catch up and tying things. i don't know.

each days I'm becoming more random. that's my expertise i guess. i have plans to follow but screw the plan. but i need those plans! organising is one of the things that i shuoshould have master for. but i have to organised thing with my hands instead of apps, if you know what i mean. i have to make sure things are within my reach so i can overseas it clearly as a whole. i'm the project manager of my life! well in fact everybody is. We will see how it goes. now i see the contradict part of me on that other medium i sort of like writing for prop while here i sort of like writing to myself. hahahaha! Dumb and dumber! lol.

Oh! talking about dumber, i did dream of the dumber last night which is rare. heh! not that I'm excited bout it but it's just a dream for god sake! you don't have to make things feeling wonderful where it's just the dumber missed the flight to go back home! HAHA Oh! it's raining outside! One thing I'm not favour with the weather is this is the one! raining and raining! T__T. so I'm stucked up in my room doing nothing. heh!