Of calling and communicating

I finally called Nek Ma today. Well she's the granny and the mother of my mom. It gets me to called her before this, when i arrived earlier but i didn't have the gut to call nor thinking have anything to say to her. Not that we have any issue or anything, it's just that I'm not the one who's able to talk more because i'll be the one who's freaking care if there's nothing to talk about on the phone hahahaha *saikoiknow* More reason to this, that is why i love texting more. However, i do desperate for a call either. Okey, now I'm confused! hahaha 

Well talking to Nek Ma made me feel at ease? I don't know why. It's just a sudden decision this morning of wanting to call and talk to her. She sounded happy and immediately recognised me on the other side. She said as if I'm so near to her as always. I asked how's everything going on, and she has the story to tell. Grunting that Azeem hasn't come to visit for the Ramadan yet and wonder if she's going to see him only in Syawal...hehehe. It feels so overwhelmed to get to know this tiny details that she's sharing. She's once told mom that she's frustrated because nobody did ask her whether she wanted to follow us to KL upon my departure in April. Little that i realised that i really forgot to ask her since every thing was in a rush. I would probably just put her on a plane from Terengganu and straight to KLIA if it's better but i forgot. But mom said it's just her being sensitive as she watched the news on a student accommodation was on fire  somewhere in Moscow and having a thought on me, plus she's not good with a long journey trip as she will easily exhausted. huhuhuhu 

I don't have any other granny left except her. Nor that we're too close, but still i really want to at least give the best to made her proud. Ive never think of it this way before. Maybe having her around made you take things for granted of not appreciating the presence of the old woman in the family. She might be lonely as well. Hoping for the grandchildren to come and say hi. What i realise, the women from mom's family rarely expressing their thoughts. I think i've seen only once mom did cry in front of  us. That is probably due to, i can't remember what. Sort of like we've been raised to keep what we feel inside. How i wish I'm able to share the emotion with them either, but being the awkward me i just can't. Not that i can share that i have a crush on somebody, or i want to get married, or maybe i feel frustrated about something. It's just never happen. I guess mom sometimes just don't bother to ask because whenever she did, i just get upset with the questions. What is wrong with me? huhuhuh 

So all those thoughts lingered me. It's true, this phase of life, it makes you think. You think of everything, you value everything you have and you value the distance that you've been through. It's not easy but people adapting. I think this 'permanent head damage' journey is about shaping your thinking and perception. It will train you to see things differently and it's up to you how you're going to transform the thinking into something useful. It's not easy because the road is bumpy and messy.

Anyhow, im glad that i made the call. I feel at ease. i really do. 

p/s random call like this made me think, should i call you?