production and progress

Woke up early yesterday around 4.45am, done nothing and went to the office early as well and done nothing. Talking about production huh? I clearly realised now how time of course you should have value it, but now I feel like i just let it passes me slowly without even trying to figure out why I'm letting it go (oh...i can't understand the sentence either.) And today i woke up around 10.30am and still doing nothing but typing this. to say that i need discipline, i think i am. i am more towards rule follower instead of breaker. but recently i've just doing whatever i want without any rules to follow. this has made it so absurd even to myself. probably this is a challenge as well, for the Above to make me think more than it should. Probably He wants me to be more sharp and strict with myself instead. I still lost without direction literally. Not that i can go to my supervisor and talk about it. Well i can, but I'm now sure  how she will response to it. Probably warm and welcoming? Probably not bother? 

The route to school has always been the same. Same place, same time. I need to make my life more functioning. Everyday when i wake up,  always ask myself, should i go to the office today? Is there's anything i should do in there btw? Oh i should read. And then i said, what should i read, oh that article. Have i done it? Nope! i believe if you're functioning enough then you will be more excited about day by day and meet new friends? That is why i always love to go to classes because i makes you feel alive surrounded by people. or maybe it's just me who can't be alone and should have friends around. hahaha... to tell the truth, I'm okey with both. So far, I'm okey alone. the idea of moving in with other girls sound tempting but i guess it's better to be alone and meet them accessional. i think. i always think but i rare act to what i think. Just the other day, Yum, a colleague from Vietnam said how come i cane still smile in my first month where she's actually not that happen when she's here. I said, well on the outside, but on the inside it's hire wire. 

Come to think of you, maybe i should have perceived life differently now. Open up the mind and let loose/go certain things that is bothering me. I can do once why i can't do twice. it's the same circle to start with. So you don't have to like be bounded to whatever you have gone through before. Not that I'm excited to go travel or anything haha. I have no clue on where to go either. But i think maybe this is the role play of friends in your life. They can initiate things and i just can be a part in it. haha! be good to people sha. at least people are remembering you that way. Whatever it is, altho it's 12.17pm, i think i might have just walk to school and see what can i do about it. hahaha! Being random is always be me. 

p/s it's time to really act back on the coldness, I'm done and that is why i really hate to be involved with this kind of thing if you just want to mess around. It makes me sick and emotionally tired which i don't need it anyway. 

of reading and reading

Finally got to finish Dr. A first paper today. What I've discovered is that how he's replicated a research study based on an article paper and made it in a malaysian context which is awesome! Meaning to say, less complicated in designing things and such, it's just that you have to understand how any why you're doing it then it will be okey. I totally understand what he's trying to say. In fact he did discover new things from the research from a malaysian perspective which is more than awesome. That's why we call a contribution to knowledge. Hmm... so which research should i replicate and compare to? hehehe! *copycatarises* I attended Dr J presentation on the impact of national students survey on academic staff which is a good paper and research as well. Malaysia universities do have this kind of entrance and exit survey, but do they take action of what that has been said by the students from the survey? That is what we did discuss in the cafe which lead to the second problem that i've realised.

Today i just realise that my communication skill are getting weaker. People are nt able to understand me as I'm not able to deliver well of what I'm saying! DAMN! Miscommunication is a major no no no! How to polish this skill tho? I still have the anxiety of talking to people like they would not understand me much. And i also discover that my faculty is still the same as other education faculty as far as i know. Mess-up and hardly ever stable in terms of staff and staff. We did wonder on why it looks so not welcoming over new student or maybe the faculty members. The bond between them are saperated by idk what and why. Everybody seems to like having their own agenda/life without even are about other faculty members which is not good. It's kinda different from different faculty and school tho as what I've heard from my friends. Being a busy body me, i'm always curious. If only I'm able to channel my curiosity towards my research? Hmmm..

p/s: how to lose a guy in a day? Any tips? heh ^----^

4 walls and 3 episodes

That's what i did today.

2 episodes of yuchun and 1 episode of sing ji hyo new drama.

And it's all happened within my 4 walls of bedroom. Boring isn't it? Who said that life overseas should always be flowers and rainbows. It's raining as well by the way and still am. Oh went to the bank to settle my bank card, and it's still a hassle. In malaysia we would get our account sorted out immediately and you can start using everything almost immediately as well. now i have to re-request my pin back, and have to wait till thursday and now it's monday. And as i tried to do the online banking, it said i need to have sort of like a special device so you wont get cheated online. Why the bank officer didn't tell me about this earlier! So much time consuming and hassle. What is this developed country huhuhu you spoiled my perception on my 4th week here. yeah, it's 4th week but I'm feeling forever. Maybe because life hasn't been that organised anyway. =(

I'm able to-almost-finish Dr. A first paper, just to understand the concept of Lay's theory. Well it is indeed a new input to me. More to come. And today Dr. G sent me a link of a paper that might relates to phonics, which i think not a good paper after all. hmm. 

i need a place where i can be myself. Well literally. not physically. if I'm not able to write out whatever that I'm thinking and feel then you're done! You're not you any more. hohoh. and I'm aiming of for maroon 5 and lifehouse show. i wish i can nail this one, at least a list in the bucket has been strike out. But honestly, i don't even have the list to start with. How about we just sit whatever accomplishment that I've done instead of planning for one? LOL! Life is full of surprise. 

p/s how come people can change their mind over a toilet break? I guess the toilet is really a thinking chair after all. hmmm... 

what research is all about?

Now I've come to like the blogpost better as it has an icon of writing post. so you don't have to be like  go to the dashboard and start looking for buttons to click on. So 1-0 for blogspot over wordpress hahaha!

Now what is research is all about? I think this is quite an interesting question and i have to write this down just to like reaping back of what I've read. Ive read this first chapter of Crotty (2003), The foundation of research book where it is quite interesting (after so much struggles with being focus and such). Here he/she explains on how a researcher should understand the design of the research before eventually submitting the research proposal. What can conclude is that there are 4 elements of 'terms' or knowledge that you should be able to differentiate which are:
 i) methods
Method is more related to what ways that we're going to use in order to gather the data for our research. Is it going to be interview? observation? etc.
ii) methodology
this one deals with the research design itself. Are we conducting a case study? Is it an action research or is it a ethnography research that we are about to carry out.
iii) theoretical perspective
This is the most tricky part as people always stuck in this term, well at least for me and my brother. Hm.. we always do come out with the problem fist without being able to identify the correct theory to be associated with the research.
iv) epistemology.
This is the most fundamental and basic thing that you should have mastered of. The term sounds bit posh but it is actually the 'knowledge' that you have in conducting the research. Without the knowledge, you would not be able to even have the theoretical, method or even methodology embedded in your research.

So how we're going to relate all these? @_@

2nd SV Meeting

Today is the second supervisor meeting with Dr. G. From previous meeting, we did discuss general how am i going to approach my research and shaping it into a solid and workable research later. Both of my supervisors are really helpful and warm regarding what we have discussed and they did contribute their own ideas on how should i approach things accordingly. Since this is the second meeting, i am a bit nervous in getting into things done. But knowing yours truly, it's something that's been worried mind instead of getting to work things out (okey...how many of the words things in a sincetence? zzzz)

I did it last minute. I mean get into more journals, tying a bit and highlighted a bit on what i should put up to. I went up to her as expected and luckily enough she's very welcoming as usual. We did discuss a a lot today on what should i really consider in doing the research. It's such a breeze when somebody actually get what you're trying to say by trying to extract things out for all the messed and scattered up ideas you have. I do see it clearly how this will go altho it's still in the initial stage. I guess this is what a role of supervisor really is. Getting out the idea in you and try to put glue it out on paper. I should have done more work then it should. I still think that my writing are around the bushes. Not exactly straight to the point of what you really wanna say. Aiigooo! Dies la like this. Writing sucks, academic writing pun sucks...then what's left? T___T

distraction

Howeeedeeeee!

Well I'm not sure if it's correct or wrong. Im trying to write again on different purposes. i wonder how it would turn to but hopefully it's going ti be alright. Things have been changing rapidly in my life as i wouldn't expected for it to happen. it so just happen and here I'm on a new medium type this out. I should get use to the habit of writing as i would probably would have more words to read and write for the next 4 and upcoming years. 

Nuff said of that, i attended a course few days back on the creative planning and time management to writing your thesis and it's so wonderful. I'm glad that I've gone it through in the early stage of my study as it would really reflect me of who i am. As for now i do have thing to settle but i've been distracted. In fact, creating this blog is also a procrastination that i've been delay each day since my first day, which I'm used to it now. my writing here is just a piece of mind and blunt and no proof read. i really hope at least i can blurt out everything that i have in mind without any format then it should. Recently I've been to attach to formatting which i believe it's sort of like the OCD in me...sighh~~ c'mon OCD don't grow up in me! I don't need ya! hahaha.. 

So by letting go my thoughts you can see that i talk different thing in different paragraphs  or even lines. so mess up la this mind. thus, that is why the name of the blog is arranging the hassle thought as it's always been hassle with a lot of things which  have to learn how to sort it out like NOW! What i realise with myself is that i need deadline and pressure. When you're in pressure, you will work extra hard for it and of course it would make you feel overwhelmed but the joy of completing the task is awesome~. At least i think i am! hahaha.. So as the first step of everything, this will be my medium to sort things out and i really hope it works. Well at least it is now. hahaha... let's move forward and i really hope it happened the same way as i hope too!  

Getting to a new thing is not a thing that you should have done. Ive always feel that being yourself is kinda scary as you have to deal with whatever you have you face off. Truthfully people would understand themselves and they're kinda being neglected themselves as the believe it would give you have then good. well at least it is what i think. what I'm doing now is type on two medium go blog just to see which one is the most suitable for the feeling. well you know being a little tricky over everything. I hate this. being attached to thing where you need to use, deal with only certain things in your life. I want varieties. they way I'm behaving is really different of the way I'm thing. even my hands are moving not according to whatever my brain thinks. maybe the brain is fast enough for the hands to catch up and tying things. i don't know.

each days I'm becoming more random. that's my expertise i guess. i have plans to follow but screw the plan. but i need those plans! organising is one of the things that i shuoshould have master for. but i have to organised thing with my hands instead of apps, if you know what i mean. i have to make sure things are within my reach so i can overseas it clearly as a whole. i'm the project manager of my life! well in fact everybody is. We will see how it goes. now i see the contradict part of me on that other medium i sort of like writing for prop while here i sort of like writing to myself. hahahaha! Dumb and dumber! lol.

Oh! talking about dumber, i did dream of the dumber last night which is rare. heh! not that I'm excited bout it but it's just a dream for god sake! you don't have to make things feeling wonderful where it's just the dumber missed the flight to go back home! HAHA Oh! it's raining outside! One thing I'm not favour with the weather is this is the one! raining and raining! T__T. so I'm stucked up in my room doing nothing. heh!